I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
