Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
