What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
