Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
