Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
