looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The convent might be a nice break from real life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
