you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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