I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize