O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
