She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
