im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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