My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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