i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
