you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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