first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
