you guys were way drunker than both of me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize