Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She told me I should be a condom model.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize