if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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