That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize