remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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