I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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