I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think a kid would responsible me up
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
