I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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