Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
