I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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