Jerry, you need to find god
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
