They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize