hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
