i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
