If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
