I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
whose parrot is this?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
