there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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