I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
