I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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