I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
