Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
