So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize