my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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