Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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