why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
