I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
