Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
