I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
