addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
