i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
