i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
