I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize