butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
