PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
