i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
