I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
