I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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