i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
