I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
