Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
