I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
