Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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