I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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