How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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