I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize