The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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