the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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