i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Fuck appropriateness.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
