She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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