i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
