and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
