I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
