Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
