Her vagina should come with caution tape.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
