If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
