Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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