Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
