Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
