Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
