I met the friendliest cop last night
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
now i know why i became what i already was.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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