I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize